if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
