you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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