Are we in a gay sports bar?
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
