textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
