Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Randomize
