Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
