she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
