Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
