I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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