I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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