I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
