I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
