They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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