Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
