I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
