the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
There r osticjed everywhere
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
