If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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