Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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