I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
