now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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