found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
