youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
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