i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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