Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
