i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
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