he wants to bone in the snuggie
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
