I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
This baby is an asshole
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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