I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
