just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
