Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
