It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
