im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
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