# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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