That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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