Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
