1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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