Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
