The best revenge is premature balding
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
