I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wear drunk well.
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