Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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