There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
