He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
