I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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