i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
