That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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