I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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