you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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