I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
In America we eat man semen.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
