I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Sober January is a disaster.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We don't watch enough power rangers
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
