My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
