I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
