Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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