the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
