I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
